Welcome
Each of us in SLAA knows the confusion and difficulty of walking into the first few meetings, feeling like a newcomer in new surroundings. Whether we took this courageous step out of pain and hopelessness, sought relief from longing and emptiness, or were directed to attend, we move toward recovery by being here. We hope you will feel free to share with the group why you came to SLAA and you may also want to ask questions of individuals after the meeting.
Among the first questions we faced when we attended meetings were: “Am I an addict?” “Am I a sex and love addict?” “What is the nature of my addiction?”
Please take the time to answer these questions for yourself by taking the survey 40 Questions for Self-Diagnosis.
For more information, see the pamphlets “Introduction To Sex And Love Addicts Anonymous”, “Questions Beginners Ask” and “Anorexia: Sexual, Social, and Emotional” available at most meetings and from S.L.A.A.’s international office, Fellowship Wide Services. Here is the recommended list of literature for Newcomers and you will find all available literature here as well.
We suggest attending SLAA meetings as often as you can. There are many kinds of meetings, and each has its own personality. If you don’t find quite the right meeting the first time, we suggest attending other meetings: “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

Suggestions for Newcomers
- Suggestions for Newcomers pamphlet: Pick up a Suggestions for Newcomers pamphlet at a meeting for additional recommendations.
- Meetings: Attend several SLAA meetings in a condensed period. This can help you to determine whether SLAA is right for you.
- Identify with the feelings: While attending meetings, try to identify with the feelings being expressed without comparing stories.
- Talk with members: Talk with others after meetings and exchange phone numbers. It is suggested to talk to people with whom there is no chance of romantic/sexual intrigue. Call those numbers when you need support.
- SLAA Literature: Obtain SLAA literature and read it in between meetings.
- Troublesome Behaviors: Try giving up one of your troublesome behaviors for 30 days and see how you feel about it. If you can’t do it alone, we can help you!
Meetings Q&A
In keeping with Tradition 5, each group (meeting) has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to the sex and love addict who still suffers. SLAA groups and members strive to help all sex and love addicts regardless of their pattern of addiction.
We keep our meetings in alignment with SLAA principles and our program safe for all who need it. Meetings give you a place to share your story, and to hear others, and are the primary route to finding a sponsor to guide you through the 12 steps.
Who attends SLAA Meetings? What kind of people?
Anyone who thinks they may have trouble with sex and love addiction is welcome to attend SLAA meetings. Often, we are unsure at first and this gets clearer as we attend more meetings.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. This addiction can take many forms and affect all different kinds of people. It can include, but is not limited to:
- a compulsive need for sex
- extreme dependency on one person (or many)
- a compulsive use of pornography
- chronic preoccupation with romance, intrigue, and fantasy
- anorexia, a compulsive avoidance of giving or receiving social, sexual, or emotional nourishment
We are united in a common focus: dealing with our addictive sexual and emotional behavior. We find a common denominator in our obsessive/compulsive patterns which transcends any personal differences of sexual orientation or gender identity.
How do I Attend?
The San Francisco Bay Area has many SLAA meetings. As a newcomer, we invite you to our meetings! If you would like to attend a meeting, please contact us below, or just show up at one of the meetings on our Meeting Calendar. We look forward to talking with you, to answering any questions you have, and most importantly to welcome you.
Who runs the meeting?
SLAA meetings are organized by anyone who needs a specific meeting, forming as the demand arises. Each meeting is led by a volunteer secretary. Our meetings are an opportunity for members to relate their stories about recovery from sex and love addiction. Members identify themselves by first name only and will share their experience, strength, and hope. Our stories disclose what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. Meetings may have different formats, relating to Step Study, Newcomer, Speaker, Getting Current, etc. Meetings may be closed (for identified sex and love addicts only) or open to all persons. Meetings are generally one to one and a half hours long unless otherwise specified.
When do I speak?
Speaking is voluntary. You may be asked your first name and maybe to simply identify yourself as a newcomer. Otherwise, you don’t have to do anything except listen, unless you wish to share when the time comes either for general or newcomer sharing.
What’s is the donation basket for?
There are no dues or fees for SLAA membership. Typically, an offering basket is passed for voluntary contributions at meetings to help cover meeting costs (rent, literature, donations to Intergroup and Fellowship Wide Services). A $3 to $5 donation is customary. No one turned away for lack of funds.
What’s this talk of God or Higher Power?
SLAA is entirely non-denominational. You are not required to believe in God to be a member of SLAA. The program is spiritual in nature and includes the belief in a Higher Power, but SLAA is not affiliated with any religion, sect, or denomination. Your concept of a Higher Power can be whatever you choose it to be. Some use the group itself as something more powerful than themselves. Atheists, Agnostics and Seekers of all sorts are welcome.
Meeting Guidelines
Sharing
At SLAA meetings, we share our “experience, strength and hope” of recovery from sex and love addiction. We also get current as it relates to our addiction.
Safe Environment
For our group unity, we seek to provide an environment free from shame, judgment, criticism, manipulation and abuse where members can feel safe to share what they think and feel. We ask members to help maintain that supportive environment.
Anonymity
We maintain confidentiality and refrain from disclosing names or identifying group members outside the meeting. We understand anonymity to be critical to the foundation of our recovery.
Crosstalk
We refrain from interruption or interaction while another is sharing. Most groups have procedures for respectfully maintaining order and focus. Crosstalk, in some areas also called “feedback,” is discouraged at our meetings. Crosstalk is sometimes defined as giving advice, referring to what someone else has shared or otherwise drawing attention to another member’s story.